What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize