Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
