I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
