You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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