I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ugly people sure do ruin things
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
