Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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