This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
