No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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