Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
