I must be too annoying 4 u.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
