Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
