about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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