just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
