weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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