You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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