Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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