No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
