I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
