youre lurking in front of me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
