i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
