similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
