We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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