Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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