Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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