I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
