I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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