dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
