Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
