I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Houston, we have a blender
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
