just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
