My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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