Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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