u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize