I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The Olympian is in my bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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