you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
