it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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