her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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