just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
