fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
