Your dad touched me again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
