she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Found the puke drawer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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