I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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