dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
