I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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