Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
