go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
