My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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