Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
