his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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