Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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