i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
