If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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