K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
