saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
