do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yo dont text me then not text me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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