Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
