So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
