Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
