my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
