he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
