Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
