i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
