we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
