im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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