I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
