i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Four minutes until I can fart!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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