remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
