My hand turned me down
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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