If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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