Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
