That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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