i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
