The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
