We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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