I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
