You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I could make wine with my vomit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize