but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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