She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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