I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
