I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
