Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
