I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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