I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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