I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize