I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize