im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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