Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
