i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
