had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
