i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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