what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
