How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
