I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
