Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
