Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
