life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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