if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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