I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
too bad you live with your parents still
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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